Go Ask Dad: First commandment at the pool

Since time immemorial, the first commandment at the pool has been the same. Moses came down from the holy mountain with a chiseled tablet: THOU SHALT NOT RUN. Ever since, legions of whistle-blowing lifeguards and exasperated caregivers have sought enforcement. And for good reason: the pool deck may not look slippery, but those are famous last words. Safety first.

It’s also true that the pool is an exciting place. Your friend comes through the gate. You want to get a head of steam before leaping off the side into the water. When it comes to the snack machine or diving board, you want to be at the front of the line. You know the rule, but though the spirit is willing, the flesh is so weak.

Like any tribe or clan under authority, kids have sought methods to bend but not break the law. There’s the staggered gait, alternating running with walking every couple of steps. I’ve also seen kids skip, hop, and shuffle side-to-side. Once, I heard a child protest to the lifeguard that he had been running backwards, so it didn’t count! The lifeguard wasn’t buying it. While the child's argument was creative, it may have been even more dangerous.

The number one strategy to avoid the lifeguard’s whistle is to speedwalk. The key difference from running or jogging is that your feet do not leave the ground. To my eye, a speed walker looks like they are rushing to the bathroom. Maybe they are. But it is technically not running!

This past week, I heard the whistle blow and looked up in time to see a lifeguard calling out a running dad. I happen to know this fellow father, and to his credit, he acknowledged his infraction with a sheepish wave of the hand. A rule is a rule. He should try speed walking; I hear it’s easier on the knees.

Andrew Taylor-Troutman is the author of Little Big Moments, a collection of mini-essays about parenting, and Tigers, Mice & Strawberries: Poems. Both titles are available most anywhere books are sold online. Taylor-Troutman lives in Chapel Hill where he serves as pastor of Chapel in the Pines Presbyterian Church and occasionally stumbles upon the wondrous while in search of his next cup of coffee.